Jim Parham, PR Chronicle

I recently asked our interactive consultants about my online presence. You know, “How am I doing at adapting to the new world of online dialogue?”

I didn’t get good grades. Sadly, my style is too formal, my sentence structure too long and I’m bouncing around topically like a thousand super balls in a ballroom.

So, exactly what is wrong with my writing? First, my copy doesn’t appear to be “skimmable” — I’m making this word up — for a pair of quick eyes seeking out any sign of intelligence in my work.

Nor, it appears, do I have enough bullet points or quick factoids for easy comprehension, and my syntax appears to be too rigid and formal.

OK, got that.

What else? Way too long. Make it short and sweet. Well, I thought I was already doing that, but guess not. It’s short-attention-span theatre out there, don’t you know?

If you can’t get the reader hooked in a microsecond, they’re off pursuing more dynamic copy, most likely written by someone younger, and hipper, than me.

I’m going to try this new gig. Bullet points, call outs and a lot more graphics and visual cues are in my future.

I’m learning writing all over again.

During the past several weeks, I’ve often been asked what I would’ve done differently for BP’s public relations efforts.

Honestly, I would not wish that responsibility upon anyone. It’s a daunting task and the odds are stacked against BP more than any craps table I’ve ever played.

But, for the record, here’s what I will say, retroactively — which isn’t really fair.

1. BP failed to manage the expectations from the onset. There was too much optimism, too much hyperbole and very few specifics. BP surely knew just how bad things could get and should have come out swinging with, “This may become the worst natural disaster in U.S. history.” That would’ve caught a lot more attention from Washington and the world.

2. Keep your CEO off the podium. There was no real reason to put him out there. He’s not a deep-sea drilling expert and not that adept at media relations.

3. Bring the U.S. government into the fold quickly as a partner. Might as well spread the wealth and have everyone take a little heat.

4. Put Louisiana and other Gulf state senior-level government officials on a BP disaster steering committee to oversee the response. Show teamwork, and that has simply not happened.

5. Engage volunteers and fishing captains quickly and extensively. While a lot more of this is happening now, their involvement sputtered at the start.

6. Bring environmental organizations into the mix early. The Sierra Club, National Wildlife Federation and others could have been a much bigger help early on.

7. Don’t speak with mixed messages or inconsistent messaging. This really goes back to the basics in crisis management.

8. Never turn on a deep-sea HD camera. From a PR perspective, this has become the “visual” for the media and it’s not a pretty sight.

9. Don’t go to yacht races when the chips are down. This speaks for itself.

10. Help your gas stations early, before they start complaining. It was evident early on that a boycott would ensue. Why not avoid this public display of dissatisfaction from station owners entirely?

Looking back is so much easier than looking forward.