Jim Parham, PR Chronicle

I have to admit, I was a bit shocked to walk into the office cafeteria and see a sizable group huddled around the television this past week. It was 11 a.m. EST, and I had forgotten about Tiger’s faux news conference. Unbelievable, I know.

To be quite frank, I have not seen a group gather at the office TV set like that since Sept. 11.

My first thought was the assemblage consisted of a group of die-hard golfers wanting to see if the “gifted one” was getting back into golf. I would not blame them. Where would we be without the likes of sports icons such as Peyton Manning, Michael Jordan and, yes Tiger Woods?

A quick survey indicated these colleagues were not golfers at all.

Nope, they were only a few of the millions watching with a hell-bent curiosity on what Tiger will say and do next.

The National Enquirer-like fervor that has taken hold of the country since the Buick got bashed is not surprising, however. Entertainment has far eclipsed hard news as a rallying cry for curiosity seekers and those wanting to see others crumble under the harsh light of fame and fortune.

But Tiger cannot be surprised by the intensity of the interest. Or, can he?

Those people who rise to the multi-billion dollar club are, many times, taken aback by the wild interest in their private lives. Tiger said he wants to keep his life private. Good luck at that.

Once he became famous he left the privacy card at the door. Many well-to-do, successful politicians and athletes forget that once they start making money by leveraging their fans or constituents to gain monetary strength, their lives become a fish bowl. No, you cannot go back. Once you sign up your life is as transparent as Glad wrap.

Does this mean there’s a double standard? Does this mean that “Joe Six-Pack” doesn’t get the introspection that Tiger is seeing? Yes, absolutely.

And, to all those people seeking public office or a spot on a professional sports team, just remember these words: “How will that action you took today read above-the-fold in tomorrow’s paper?”

While some PR practitioners may suggest what we do borders on miraculous or mysterious, I offer a more pragmatic viewpoint.

Let’s look at Newton’s third law of motion for answers.

Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I don’t know about you, but I believe it.

Take the current health care debate, for example. The administration proposes one thing: “We need a government option so that all may be insured.” Bam!
Someone else proposes the opposite: “No, what we need is more affordable care, and insurance reform.”

Someone postulates the answer in Afghanistan is troop withdrawal. Then, someone else proposes a surge.

In PR we see Newton’s law work just like your model rocket experiment in senior science class. Just take any old politician: “I did not take money from the lobbyist in question.”
Public reaction: “Oh, yes you did.”

And one of my favorite takes on the laws of thermodynamics stipulates that when you create order in one place, it creates disorder somewhere else.

In PR, this is known as creating a distraction to draw attention away from our client tactic.

Instead of dealing with a catastrophe head-on, a PR ploy is to distract from the central issue. Thus, creating disorder in one place allows you to create order somewhere else.

Don’t you just love these science scenarios? So, the next time someone suggests that you get out the PR crystal ball and call upon the “ghosts of campaigns past” for your solutions, suggest it may be better to head over to the lab and break out the slide rule.

They still make slide rules, don’t they?